What The NFL Needs Now Is A Player Named Josef Witepaur

Newsflash!  Folks spend a lot of money on their pets!  Even when the economy’s going sideways!  According to the American Pet Products Association (and this CNN blog post that references the APPA’s press release on this subject), 2009 spending on your favorite ball of fur and poop is on track to increase to $45.5 billion, over two billion dollars (or five percent) more than what was spent last year.  This includes all types of spending, including health care costs, supplies, and, of course, sports paraphenalia.  After all, next to spending upwards of $100 on a lifesize (or larger) "wall decal," what better way to broadcast your potentially unhealthy attachment to your favorite sports team than by forcing your four-legged companion to act as a one-pet street-team for said attachment?  Without shaving team logos into their hair, that is.  (Anyone trying to read anything racial into my use of Ron Artest in this case can go drop a grand on a cat condo.)

But wait!  Thanks to current events, your expression of fandom can also double as a provocative (or mostly unintentional) comment on a very sensitive issue.  I’m not sure whether Falcons fans have (or want) the opportunity to nostalgically bask in the Michael Vick era through their dog’s casual wear, but it’s a fact that Eagles fans can buy a Fido-sized jersey with Vick’s name on the back.  For those that cavort and canter every time the Eagles’ Super Bowl hopes go up in smoke (or down on the turf with an ACL tear), news of this merchandising opportunity is probably just another reason to keep on hating.  Though, as noted in the not-unslanted Daily News report on this "story," it’s just business as usual for the NFL:

"Like any other player, (customers) can obtain that name and that jersey if they wish," league spokesman Greg Aiello said. "As far as putting it on the dog product, [Vick]‘s working with humane societies, working to educate others on this issue, so we don’t see a problem."

The article goes on to note that the NFL does have a list of about 1100 words, names, and phrases that they will not put on the back of their customizable jerseys, dog-sized or otherwise.  Sadly for herpes fans and folks from a certain country, this no-go- list does include MEXICO.  Interstingly enough (and maybe just a little more important than this Vick-dog-jersey non-issue), it also once included a not-uncommon surname:

The league reversed itself and will now allow personalized jerseys to have “GAY” on the back. This decision came one day after Outsports printed an article about the policy. Previously, a person trying to buy such a jersey had it rejected with the words: "This field should not contain a naughty word." (this wording was changed in response to our story to "The personalization entered cannot be accepted."). Dan Masonson, a league spokesman, told Outsports that “there was no message there” to having “gay” on a list of 1,159 banned words. After being made aware of the issue, the NFL Shop will now allow “gay” jerseys, said Masonson. “It should have not been in the [naughty words] filter,” he said.

This decision seems to have less to do with any sexual orientation statement by the league and more with the fact that there is a player in the league with the last name Gay, New England Patriots rookie defensive back Randall Gay. Randall is the first Gay in the NFL since Ben Gay played for the Cleveland Browns in 2001. For example, Masonson said there was no discussion in removing “Lesbian” or other words from the list of banned words and he explained the league’s thinking: 

“The idea behind personalized jerseys is for a fan to put his or her name on the back or possibly a nickname,” Masonson said. It is not designed for political, social or other types of statements.  

Ah, 2005 — when men were men, Bush was Bush, football players were just unrepentant steroid abusers (occasional instances of  using an instrument to destroy an unborn child notwithstanding), and you could buy your pooch a customized Patriots jersey with BIN LADEN displayed proudly on the back.  God Bless(ed) The USA (But Now He Obviously Just Wants To Cheese Off Dog Lovers And Condone Homosexuality)!